What makes you who you are?

What Makes You Who You Are?

This, our first volume, is dedicated to the question: what makes you who you are?

We explore different concepts of the self through personal narration, scientific and philosophic inquiry, and introspection.

People from all over the world have contributed essays and interviews, sharing what made them who they are. From their generosity and transparency, we created a collection of stories which illustrate the importance, the struggle, and the universal humanness of the journey to ‘know thyself.’

You are invited to share in this experience by reading through our collection of narratives and, maybe, taking the time to consider, ‘what makes you, you?’

Narratives

Analysis

While each submission is unique, there are five themes that color all of them.

Struggle, Relationships, Change, Culture, and Language

Struggle

Almost all of the contributors shared experiences of overcoming obstacles, facing trauma, or navigating struggles, either personal or societal. Difficulties are not only universal, but seem to be universally recognized as foundational in understanding and developing the self.

I fear failure a lot... I demand a lot of myself. I require myself to be a successful and productive person from inside but outside-me is a person who wants to follow her passions and all the happy little things.

Nickitta

It is our spiritual practice and responsibility to work on ourselves to find a way to overcome and transcend (pass through) our life challenges.

James

I just had this situation one or two weeks ago where there was a visa situation where I could not continue my journey in the way I wanted to. I was against the densest of all things, bureaucracy, rules, regulations, and how things have to be.

Katalin

I really want to change my society because the people living here are narrow-minded. I also encourage women to do something good. It is not all about men; women can also do something. Being in a country where women are not so confident, they cannot express their thoughts and opinions.

Nisha

For the first time in my life I had suicidal thoughts that time. But now I think of it as an unforgettable experience in my life which I want to share with those who are depressed and fighting with their anxieties that Time heals everything.

Sandesh

For example, if you face some challenges, of course you will have challenges in your life, if you become negative. You will be…, how do you say it, those things might take you down. But if you think of those things in a more positive way and you can really turn the situation and make it become opportunities.

Lory

And it was in the face of death that I discovered the true measure of my own humanity, the depth of my capacity for love, and the strength of my will to survive.

Neda

Relationships

While most contributors mentioned struggle, they also spoke about their relationships. During times of difficulty, interviewees described receiving support from those around them, which contributed to their development and played a role in who they are. Even in the cases where relationships were the source of pain, relationships were also a source of comfort and strength. Throughout these narratives, relationships are portrayed as a fundamental tool, capable of enabling, shaping, and damaging the self.

And it was hard for me to shift my military career after coming back to Nepal. But my parents supported me and I am running my family hotel in my old village Ghandruk.

Sandesh

My family and my partner contribute towards my success in life. I think that it’s great to have my own internal factors such as my bubbly and strong characteristics, they do help too but I do not see myself growing without the people whom I love supporting and close to me.

Nickitta

I think I am lucky to meet some life changing people, because there are really some hard points for me that could really take me down. But I was lucky enough to meet different people and they were kind enough and supportive enough to help me, to drag me out of that darkness. If that person was not there at that moment, I wouldn’t be me at this moment.

Lory

We think for one another… Emotional attachments will make you think about a certain situation in a second perception…

Rem

I can feel what others feel when I speak to them and they speak to me. I feel good that I have friends with whom I can talk, get more opinions, and get more advice. I also feel nice that sometimes I can give them the best advice and it works out.

Nisha

[What makes you, not you?] - when I move away from what I think. When I play a role in society to please and not disappoint.

Manon

My family has deeply damaged me. Will I ever be free from that? I don’t know.

James

Change

Regardless of how contributors described the conception of self, they talked about the ability to change. Some spoke of situations that changed who they were or had the potential to change them. Others expressed the experience of being in a constant state of flux, changing all the time. Even those who see the self as stable or constant acknowledged the potential for change. The belief that the self can and does change seems inherently important.

My conception of myself is constantly evolving depending on what I experience, the experience I have of life and my way of thinking which is transformed gradually through the discussions and learning that I do.

Manon

[Is there any thing, event, or situation that would make you not yourself?] - Love obviously… In love… We don’t remain ourselves.

Ram

I think I am the same. Last year I was single and now I am married and I’m a father of my new born son. But now my desires, values, priorities and responsibilities have changed a lot.

Sandesh

Even just since last week I have changed so much I have grown so much. So many more insights have come to me and I have learned so many more things and I am such a different person. But there is a part inside myself, from the inside view, a feeling that never changes. I have always felt myself the same person.

Katalin

[…if you had been born in the UK?] -I might have been more confident.

Nisha

[The self] -It’s never stable. I’d like to agree that I do understand myself but most times it’s all just super blurry and dark inside my head. However, with all the chaos in life, I will always love this struggle of me with myself.

Nickitta

So I do like who I become now, some is by the environment, by luck, some is by choice. So it’s really…. I do think I like me today, more than me before. So yeah, I like this changing. I become more talkative, I become more confident, and I become more mentally stable.

Lory

Whatever we believe… I don’t know if there is any point in anything in life if we don’t believe we can change. So we have to believe that change is possible. That’s one of the only constants in this universe, change.

James

But if there is one lesson that I have learned on this journey of self-discovery, it is that identity is not a fixed point but a fluid continuum, a kaleidoscope of shifting perspectives and evolving selves.

Neda

Culture

Ironically, there was general agreement that culture affects how people see and understand themselves. Cultural norms, expectations, institutions, religion, and philosophy were all mentioned by contributors. Culture is portrayed as either the lens through which they understand their identities or the framework they must navigate to find or construct themselves.

In different countries you are asked in a different way. Like where I come from they ask you, ‘what’s your job?’ That’s the first question. In India, where I spend, at the moment, most of my time. They ask me if I am married and how many children I have. So I find this always very interesting. Another thing, where I am coming from in Europe, the first question in a conversation will be, ‘how are you?’ In India no one asks you, ‘how are you?’ It’s not a thing. You would be asking, ‘have you had your lunch already?’ I love to see these little kinds of differences that always speak to another version of ‘who are you’. It’s a big difference, asking me what kind of job I do or if I have a husband or children. The kind of conversation that comes out of that is very different or the way I am looked at is very different.

Katalin

Even if I were born there [the UK], I would obviously want to do such work. It is about my role in society. I know that I have to do something. But in my eyes, it would be easier in the UK than here. As they already have more skills, more ideas, more communication skills, more opportunities, and more support within society, I might have been more confident. In the UK, there are wider-minded people. And their rules, their policies, and their disciplines are all different.

Nisha

I would say it’s simple cause and effect. We have experienced 10,000+ years of unnatural patriarchal societies including crowding into cities, living lives humans aren’t evolved for, far detached from our tribal foundations.

James

In the physical sense, I believe what you eat becomes what you are. Before I didn’t even think about it because I feel like, in the physical wise, I always eat regular cuisine, in my comfort zone. I didn’t really think about it. Then I met more people and went to more places and I see how food can change people.

Lory

In our culture we give a lot of our credit to introspection… If we know who we are then it will help us to deal with the world… We don’t get extremist thoughts… It helps to create balance in our characters.

Ram

I think whatever I do, I do it with my heart. Because I strongly believe the Law of Karma - it states that whatever thoughts or energy you put out, you get back - good or bad

Sandesh

It was in this crucible of cultural collision that I began to question the very nature of identity itself. Was it merely a product of external labels and societal expectations, or was there something deeper, something more intrinsic that defined who I was?

Neda

Language

Language makes this narrative collection possible and also makes its assessment problematic. The majority of interviews were held in English, and those that were not were translated into English. This creates a bias for English speakers and potential for misunderstandings. This process, however, is compelling in its own right. It is interesting to compare the responses of native English speakers to those who have English as a second or third language.

The language we think in shapes our thoughts; translating those thoughts into another language can be limiting. With this in mind, I left in grammatical mistakes. While being technically incorrect, the alternative phrasing conveys different meanings. This way, the reader has a more authentic experience of the interviewees’ expressions.

In many of my conversations, the nuance of ‘what makes you, you?’ verses ‘who are you?’ was blurred. Obviously, this could be a translation issue, but I think it could also be a reflection of perceptual or cultural differences in the meaning of the question. Maybe for some, who you are is what makes you, you.

The women I spoke to on the side of the road highlighted this for me. No matter how I asked them via Google Translate (I know it’s not the best), they answered, “We are workers.” Does that mean that what they do is what defines them or what makes them who they are? Or was it just their way of explaining themselves to a stranger? I do not know, but I did enjoy the simplicity of their answer.

Conclusion

Genetics, environment, experience, society, and divinity, were all cited as responses to the question, ‘what makes you who you are?’ Yet, upon delving deeper, interviewees often articulated their struggles, relationships, and experiences of transformation as defining aspects of themselves. While this inquiry may not definitively resolve what makes us who we are, it underscores the significance of challenges, connections, and evolution in our lives. Perhaps, in our quest for self-discovery or reinvention, we should draw inspiration from our struggles and relationships, while embracing the belief in our capacity for change.

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